Parallel structure repair needed

I read the help wanted ads in the local free distribution newspaper every week.

I’m not looking for a job.

I’m looking for a laugh that I can turn into an informal writing prompt.

Here’s an ad that, alas, is not laugh-out-loud funny, but it does contain a sentence that will make a good writing prompt about parallel structure. The sentence is marked with a blue box.

Help-wanted ad includes paragraph with parallel structure problems.
Read the paragraph within the blue box.

To help students sort that out, have them rewrite the paragraph with the qualifications as a bulleted list, like this:

The right candidate must have:

  • proven track record of sales performance
  • solid work ethic
  • detail oriented
  • know how to handle a customer in a fast paced environment

Once the sentence is laid out in visual list format, students will see the structural problems that previously may just have “sounded funny” to them.

The first two items in the sentence/list are noun phrases, but detail oriented is not a noun phrase nor is know how to handle a customer in a fast paced environment.

Inserting an article at the beginning of each item in the list may suggest a way to make the items structurally parallel.

The right candidate must have:

  • a proven track record of sales performance
  • a solid work ethic
  • a detail oriented
  • a know how to handle a customer in a fast paced environment

The item might be corrected by (a) revising the third element in the list and (b) putting a hyphen between know and how, thus turning it into a noun, like this.

The right candidate must have:

  • a proven track record of sales performance
  • a solid work ethic
  • an orientation to detail
  • know-how for  delivering customer service in a fast paced environment.

That’s not too bad, but a correction that shortens the last element might be better.

The right candidate must have:

  • a proven track record of sales performance
  • a solid work ethic
  • an orientation to detail
  • customer service know-how for a fast paced environment.

With the items arranged so they are structurally parallel, it’s easier to see if the individual items convey idea the writer intended.

For example, is the company looking for someone who knows how to provide customer service in a fast-paced environment or someone who has experience delivering customer service?

Converting a sentence containing a list of items to a bulleted  list is a simple trick for a spotting a parallelism problem and figuring out a solution.

Try it yourself.

If it works for you,  teach it to your students.

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